Just trying to find my happiness

First my lovelife. Now It’s been amazing how those 3months went . until the end everything went wrong. What the reason is I may not know , maybe Its because I was just missing you to much and got paranoid , or maybe is it the fact that you told me about her that made my heart sink. I just wanted you as my boyfriend. You had all those qualities I was looking for. You we’re smart , nerdy , had passion for dancing , we had the same taste in music. You told me why you wanted to get married and I found that reason quite amazing . You send those sweet lyrics and now I can’t even listen to the song without you running through my mind. I was really happy with you by my side. I smiled with my heart full of joy. You were my happiness back then. Now you have left me . when I was ready to give my heart to you. The fact that you broke it in pieces is hard for me to accept. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. You left so silently , and you had broken me.

I was trying to get over him when you started to talk to me. I guess you’ve helped in a way. I started to fall for you but that was way out of my control. Even how I tried to stop myself but couldn’t , I tried by denying my feelings for you , but I failed , even then you saw how much I liked you. when things started to get rough in you’re relationship , I was scared that I was the blame for it . But you explained to me that it wasn’t , I still didn’t believe you. and carried that guilt with me. You somehow made me forget bout it. You made me smile and made feel that I lived a fairy tale , because I was crazy about you and so were you about me. It was amazing spending time with you , but unfortunately time has set us apart. We missed each other terribly but couldn’t spend time with each other. As time passed by the feelings faded away. I’ve tried everything to keep you , but somehow I felt as if you didn’t want me to keep you. so I had to set you free. If that wasn’t the way you wanted it , I’m sorry for not knowing it . I gave up on you and I’m not trying again , because the way you made me feel was beyond the pain I could resist. No female should ever feel the pain that I felt , you were so heartless. Now I’m trying to move on.

While all that happening was it my parents on the other side who were to strict with me. I just want some more freedom. That’s it , nothing more. I just want time t relax , time to spend with my friends hanging out and just do stuff what a teenager should do. I get it you guys are scared things might happen to me , but when am i going to learn? I’m almost 17 and you guys didn’t give me a chance to explore. Why don’t you guys trust me? I admit I made some mistakes which I regret but that’s life. I deserve a second chance , everybody does. why do you guys make feel like you’re not proud of me? I get good grades , I don’t do drugs , I don’t have a boyfriend..what more do you guys want? Should I stay in the house like I’m a sort vampire? are you guys so scared of me leaving? there will be a time where I’m going to leave you, face it. It’s not my destiny to stay with you guys , but it’s my destiny to take care of you.

I ignored my feelings you , and you already saw how much I liked you. I tried to run away but stopped me. now I wanna stay but you give me so much reasons to give up on you. You talk about you’re former crushes without thinking how I would feel. Well I feel like throwing a brick in your face and and stabbing you multiple times , cause it hurts this much when you talk about them. It’s not that I’M JEALOUS or something It’s just that it hurt so much when you treat me as ‘just a friend’. You have now put me in a dilemma whether I should choose you or just leave you , but every-time I try to leave , you just do stuff that gives me hope to keep you. Why are you doing this to me? Haven’t I been hurt enough? IF you want me , just be honest and let go of the past , the more you hod onto it the more I wanna leave . If you don’t just leave. I can’t afford another heart-break  

Searching for Lips


If I could somehow 
be where you are, 
be the person you

wanted me to be,
let you know what
you wanted to 

know, I’d make
you feel, make you 
melt where you sit,

such abilities you 
give me to fancy,

as of now you’re 
just a kiss in the
wind searching
for lips to land